Overcoming ‘self-doubt’ and being confident with your own decisions.

Self-doubt is simply the fear of being wrong

Joyce Meyer, The Confident Woman

For as long as I can remember I’ve had an unhealthy fear of doing the wrong thing (concerning decisions). I would make an decision then I would go over it in my mind, reasoning with myself whether the decision was the best decision or whether a better one could have been made, or wondering if I had made a mistake. (it was tormenting – and continues to be even as get older.) when I’m faced with life changing decisions.

I’ve often looked for affirmation and approval from others concerning my choices (decisions) in hope that I would find a sense of security by doing so. This would manifest itself in questions like, “what do you think of this?” referring to something I had chosen or designed. Even when I was happy will the outcome or results yet I craved reassurance. Other times I would ask questions of others like, do you think it’s right if I go here, or do this… (referring to a place I wished to go, or something I’ve always wanted to do) with the intend to get a moral standpoint on my choice or preferences (to ensure my choice/s didn’t stem from what was norm or acceptable.)

“I can’t give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.”

Herbert Bayard Swope Sr.

I’ve relied so heavily on the approval and affirmation of others concerning my decisions. So inevitably when I’ve finally made an decision independently – it will follow with an overwhelming sense of guilt and worry- because I didn’t have confidence in myself and I didn’t have self-trust.

Seeking advise from others is not necessarily a negative things when it’s in proportion. However I always had an expectation that either the person I’m seeking advice or approval from will totally agree or completely oppose my decision. And if they didn’t fall into either of the categories I’ve mentioned, and remained unbiased or neutral – I would seek advice elsewhere to confirm my proposed decision or my decision at hand. I used seeking advice and counsel as safety net, to help me to either embrace, or tear me away from decided decision or personal convictions.

Like me, many have been held hostage against our will by the unwelcomed giant of ‘self-doubt’ accompanied by the dreaded, and lingering undercurrent ‘fear of failure’. But have you ever consider that an unhealthy dose of doubt and self-doubt is influencing our very lives on a daily basis? Therefore keeping ‘self-doubt’ in perspective is important in maintaining good mental health and a sense of stability?

Self-doubt defined:

According to the Oxford dictionary, self-doubt is defined as a ‘lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities.‘ On many occasions my lack of confidence has translated into lack of confidence in my decision making, which has worked against me, time and time again. Decisions make up the majority of our lives; the major decision concerning who you choose to date, and eventually who you choose to marry, or what degree or career you chose to pursue. Even to the everyday things, like what supermarket, what restruant or coffee shop you decide to visit.

There’s no doubt about it, self-doubt impacts the way we see ourselves; the decisions we make; who we choose to listen to, and even whether we choose to listen to our own voice of reason. In a way self-doubt is interlinked with many other components, thereby affecting the whole make up of our lives. Up to recently I’ve tended to rely heavily on an external voice – whether that manifest itself in reaching out to a family members or a close friend when seeking advice concerning a major life decisions.

To be honest, the advice and counsel of my close friends and family, 80% of the time, worked in my favour when my decision was in alignment with their opinions. However that 20% of the time, they disagreement with my idea has made me, miss opportunities, and not stick to my convictions, feeding into my own insecurities and self-doubt – and made me co-dependant on others leading up to decision making.

” it is what we do with (self-doubt) , how we cope with it, that means the difference between struggling chronically with self-doubt and letting it go fairly quickly.”

Mood Path Quote:

1)Know there’s a root to your self-doubt

Ask yourself, do you see yourself as someone worth listening to when making decisions in your life?  If no, who do you turn to when seeking advice concerning minor and major decisions in your life?  Do you listen to outside voices above your voice of reason, even when you know you’re right?

I’m not saying, it’s a bad thing to seek advice. However, if you listen to their voice above your own personal convictions, concerning major decisions in your life e.g. where you live, your career prospects, how you spend your time. This can make you end up resenting the very person you seek advice from, because you’ve lived your life through them, and you haven’t made your own choices.

2)Write down past achievements

Keep record of your past victories, you may use this in the form of journaling or a gratitude book. Consider all the decisions that you made consciously and unconsciously throughout the past years. This can give you a new perspective on how you view yourself.

If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.

Vincent Willem van Gogh

3)Make small decisions for yourself, one step at a time

Don’t permit other people to live their live their life through you. I’ve begun making decisions for myself with this is mind; most of my past independant decisions have been successful, and have had good outcomes.

Helpful links below:

https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/self-doubt

https://mymoodpath.com/en/magazin/self-doubt/