Lonely but not alone…

Loneliness is defined ‘as being sad because one has no friends or company.’ But I don’t think the dictionary’s definition does the term ‘loneliness’ any justice. Loneliness is much more than the absence of friends and company; Loneliness is a tangible presence for many, and doesn’t discriminate by age, gender or social class. It may be more overbearing at particular times of the year, like over the Christmas period (if you don’t have anyone to share this time with) or on Valentine’s Day if you don’t have a significant other, (and sometimes if you do.)

(Like myself) you may have several or plenty acquaintances or people who you consider as close friends yet still battle with loneliness. You could even be accustomed to entertaining small talk at work functions, or discussing your life’s progress at catch ups with friends (but like me) you’re missing a true deep connection with others. Let’s take Facebook for example, one of the most common forms of social media; your account may reflect that you have hundreds of friends at hand, but there’s seems to be no one who you could truly connect with when you really need to. You may find yourself in a serious relationship (like I did) yet you may still feel a sense of loneliness because your counterpart doesn’t fully connect or understand you. Sometimes I’m surrounded by many people at social functions yet I feel as though I’m an outsider, like I’m not fully connected to others.

“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”

― Kim Culbertson

I believe that the average person will experience or has experienced loneliness to some degree in their lifetime. I took a loneliness test a couple of weeks ago. My results: I quote: “your feelings of loneliness can become a bit overwhelming or more serious than usual — like now — it may be a sign that something isn’t quite balanced in your life.” – (Nothing can be closer to the truth.) Something is out of balance, my week consists of work, work, work during the day, and the weekend preparing for the next week. Yesterday feelings of loneliness hit me like a ton of rocks. I started looking for a psychological definition of loneliness when I wasn’t satisfied with the dictionary definition. However I couldn’t find one that could define what I’ve been experiencing over the past week.

You are UNIQUE

This may sound cliche but it’s the truth. For as long as I can remember my sense of loneliness was driven by that feeling of being misunderstood. (like other people didn’t get me) especially on first encounters and sometimes thereafter. I found out that my personality type only makes up 2% of the population (no wonder I always feel misunderstood or weird.)

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”

Wayne W. Dyer

Don’t be left alone with your thoughts

When I listen to my thoughts, and my thoughts alone I sometimes make hasty decisions. Throw your thoughts out there (to someone you trust) and see if they sound rational to that person. For example, recently I’ve been thinking: “I will always be alone”, “my friends are dating or getting married, but I’m still single”, “I’m going to probably get married really late, or not at all”.  This is not rational. Like I said in a previous post, there are 15 million single people in the UK and about 50% of them are looking for a serious relationship. (That’s a lot of potential dating candidates)

Remember you’re not the only one who experiences loneliness.

According to the National Statistics, in 2016 to 2017, there were 5% of adults in England who reported feeling lonely “often” or “always”. If you were to look at the population as a whole, (hypothetically) if everyone took the survey, that’s roughly 4 million adults who experience loneliness to some degree. You are not alone.

This is just the tip of the iceberg, to get you thinking, there’s many more resources on overcoming loneliness online:

https://www.redcross.org.uk/get-help/get-help-with-loneliness

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/#.Xeud_pP7Spq