Relationships, Relapse and Recovery; Revised.

For those of you who have experienced a psychotic episode/s, you would be familiar with that ‘feeling’ that grips your very soul afterwards – especially when you’re left alone with your thoughts for a couple of weeks or even months –

“That feeling is the need to get back to normality and everyday living.”

LookAfterU4me Writer

Amongst other feelings such has shame, lost of time, regret this overbearing feeling or the ‘need to get back to normality’ may manifest itself in many ways, (for me) there was a desire to get back into work, pursue old hobbies, but most overwhelmingly, the desire to meet someone who truly needs me. – Especially after feeling so needy in what I will call the recovery period.

This desire, to meet someone who truly needs you, is inevitable and part of life – It was evidence that we are beginning to get back our former self/selves. Yet I wish that (years ago) I hadn’t entered a relationship with false expectations, hoping that person would complete me, or keep me well.

(I needed to do that for myself).

After an episode, I ended up in a serious relationship – despite my family’s concerns, (and my own doubts) about my readiness for a relationship. This long term relationship added more stress to my life, and didn’t give me the space to work things out. When I look at it now, from a distance, the pressure and the strain from that relationship made me feel more isolated from my friends and family, and eventually made me relapse.

“The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.”Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.”

– Jim Rohn

This basically means (to me) look after you first. This may sound selfish, but it’s one of the most important phrases that I have on replay in my mind (thanks to my Dad.) Remember this:

if you get unwell, or have a relapse, life will go on without you.

Life stops for no one, so your health is the most important factor in your life right now.

I realise now that there are different stages of recovery and it’s an on- going process for me and many others like myself. If you break your leg, you go to the doctor, get a plaster cast, and then you expect a healing process afterwards. After a psychotic episode, your mind also needs that recovery period; it needs time to heal… you should expect a healing process likewise to the physical body.

This is the advice I would have given to my younger self – before entering a love relationship after an psychotic episode or relapse.

Take a Break

Get your life in perspective, if you are in a recovery period or you’ve been unwell for quite a while – use this period to get to know yourself (your likes and dislikes.) This also applies to those who have broken up from a relationship – giving yourself distance from a ‘love relationship’ can help you see more clearly. I was discuss this further at the end concerning my own personal story.

Try not to rush into a relationship for the wrong reasons

Overwhelming feelings of loneliness can push you to go into a relationship, even if you’re not in a state of mind to be in one. Remember you can sense over-neediness in someone else, so someone else can sense it in you. Another person cannot complete you, and another person cannot make you happy.

Don’t Settle

In my recovery period, I use to have the feeling that no one else would want me – so I settled for the first guy that gave me attention. This was detrimental, since I didn’t give myself time to heal. According to the Parsnip Online Dating Magazine “there are 15 million single people in the UK and about 50% of them are looking for a serious relationship.” (Wow! that’s a lot of potential dating candidates) so there’s no rush.

Know the person as a friend first

People control what they show during a dating relationship, whereas if you know someone as a friend first you get to know their strengths and weaknesses – and whether they’re a possible contender and someone you would want to let into your life.

Strengthen ties with close friends and family

There’s a temptation to isolate yourself when you’re in a recovery stage of Mental Health. If you don’t feel comfortable reaching out to your friends right now – draw closer to your family – or another means of counsel. Don’t suppress your true emotions.

Finally…

Know Yourself First

This may seem obvious (your automatic response may be – I do know myself) when I say know yourself, I mean, know your identity who you; your principles, your values, your likes and dislikes, your personal boundaries. If you don’t know yourself in a dating, or any long term relationship, that very relationship is likely to swallow you up – despite how strong you are.

My Story

“I recall being in a relationship years ago, and I didn’t fully know myself, I allowed the other person to lead everything and make all the major decisions, concerning dating locations, future plans for our lives etc… It was not until, 2 years in, I began finding myself- I was unrecognisable in comparison to the woman he once knew whilst I was in the recovery stage; I became more outspoken, bubbly and opinionated (he wasn’t accustomed to this) Whereas before I was more agreeable, and tolerable of things that went against my character and own personal standards when I first met him. My standards rose, the pressure rose, I relapsed in the midst of this relationship because of the stress and imbalance, but I feel as though as sad as that is, this period acted has my safety net at the time, to grant me distance myself from my ex- boyfriend and see him in a different light. – A couple months later the relationship was broken off, without words, it finally had come to a end, and I was thankful, I lost the time spent dating, but I had found myself again.

Use the next couple of months to get to know yourself; your principles, your values, your likes and dislikes, your personal boundaries…

I’ve linked a video which helped me understand psychosis from a psychological perspective.  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdiPK3-K5is