“Guilty, until proven innocent…”

We usually hear this common phrase in the title (the other way round) in relation to crime or an person’s defense: Innocent until proven guilty. 

I’ve flipped this saying on its head, because I’ve always felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame of what I considered as ‘past mistakes’. I made myself, judge and jury by consistently going over the evidence (in my head) in the form of memories of my regrets and mistakes. Lately that old mindset has slowly starting to change.

Today I’m discussing the sense of guilt that many of us play over and over in our minds on a daily or even a yearly basis.  

Let’s begin by defining Guilt

Guilt is defined ‘ as the unhappy feelings caused by ‘knowing’ or ‘thinking’ that you’ve done something wrong. Notice this definition made two clear distinctions. The first is ‘knowing’ that you done something wrong, (in my own words) being certain of something you’ve done wrong. The second is ‘thinking’ that you’ve done something wrong, (which suggests uncertainty), and as more to do with your perception of the situation rather than reality.

Years ago I seemed like an expert in allowing guilt to play on record in my mind. For years (sometimes, 5 or 6 years) I would hold onto what we will call “memories” (I call them memories but they have no positive connotations whatsoever.) These “memories” or past situations where I believed and ‘knew’ (in my mind) that I had done something wrong (or something against my character) these thoughts of condemnation plagued my mind.

I know from firsthand experience, that when it comes to guilt- (from my own experience) regret seems to play a huge part in fueling my sense of guilt. I’ve often caught myself playing back situations as if by doing so I could change the situation, or the way in which I felt about that particular memory. Sometimes I held onto these ‘memories’ of regret or guilt, in hope that I could work it out in my mind, or so that history didn’t repeat itself.

In reason, I feel as though some degree of guilt (in small doses) can act as a safety net – to prevent you from getting into trouble. For example (with the law), imagine your MOT has run out, you intend to take your car for a MOT test in the morning, but an emergency comes up, you need to jump start a friend or sibling’s car. You begin to drive (but in the back of your mind you may feel a sense of guilt or dread) – your intentions may be innocent, but driving without MOT goes against the grain of your moral judgment.  There’s a blatant consequence – being pulled over or a fine.  (I think our decisions all depends on what we consider right, and what we consider as wrong, and the consequences of the situation.) Some of us are more prone to guilt, because of a variety of factors, for example your upbringing, or your personality type. Don’t see these as a negative factors. Remember somebody else’s strength may be another person’s weakness, but somebody’s weakness may be your strength.

Let’s take a look at an example of how guilt could come into play differently, for different people.

By now we’re all are familiar with supermarkets charging for plastic bags in Britain. On one hand someone wouldn’t think twice about pinching an extra bag, (if needed) when packing their shopping at the self service isle. (Who cares? you may exclaim) Whereas on the other hand, another person would feel that taking a plastic bag without paying for it goes against their moral judgment – (they believe it’s the principle – it’s not just a bag), and that this additional charge (5p/ 10p) encourages shoppers to reuse their own bags, and inevitably helps us solve climate change. (For those who are not living in Britain, you may not get this example)

A perfect example in the news lately is when the climate protestors were on top of the trains, some of whom (I heard) were dragged of a top of a train by commuters. This goes to show that one person’s right, is another person’s wrong. The climate protestors felt that it was their right to make protest to help solve or highlight climate change by making this demonstration. Whereas commuters felt it was their human right to choose the way in which they travel (whether it was considered eco – friendly or not, in someone else’s eyes)

What I’m I trying to say?

Live life in perspective, don’t let guilt paralyze you; when I used the term paralyze – I mean it metaphorically, ‘that you don’t let that guilt make you unable to think, or act normally especially through panic or fear’. Come to the realization that everyone is prone to error. Years ago my guilt was overbearing. Since then, I have grown, and learnt that we are all work in progress, you may not be where you want to be mentally yet, but your work in progress, don’t give up on yourself.

This is just a brief reflection on guilt, consider some of the tips below:


Tip 1 # Study Guilt
Study how guilt works in greater depth, if you were a boxer, you wouldn’t go into a boxing ring without knowing your opponent. This is a battle – it may not be physical but it is in your mind.

Tip 2 # Don’t act on impulse
Ensure you are thinking clearly before you make decisions – ask yourself – is guilt the driving force behind your decision.

Tip 3 # Look at your ‘Guilt’ in perspective
Remember this: what matters today, won’t necessary be important or prominent in a couple of years’ time.

Tip 4 #Seek another perspective
Sometimes we cannot see things looking from the inside out, sometimes we need to talk to someone who is looking from the outside in.

Take the guilt test: What makes you feel guilty?

https://www.psychologies.co.uk/test-what-makes-you-feel-guilty