LookafterU4me

Walking through Rejection…

Most of us have to deal with rejection on a daily basis, whether it’s concerning relationships, career aspirations or family conflict, the list goes on. However, what happens when rejection is not only external, but internal, ingrained in your very soul. What happens when you reject yourself?

We may have many expectations concerning ourselves, and our lives. Self-rejection is a real issue, and sometimes an undercurrent that we may not know exists in our minds until particular situations arise. It may make us miss career opportunities, or making the first move concerning a relationship, even if we know that’s the right thing to do.

It’s easy to make assumptions that we know what the other person is thinking, or how they will respond to a particular situation, but to be honest, we can never truly know what they’re thinking. For me personally, self-rejection has made me hold back in certain situations, In particular relationships. Alongside this, self-rejection has stirred my career path and stopped me from pursuing my dreams to become a teacher for as long as I can remember, just in case I fail. Folks, it’s hard to admit that I deal with self – rejection on a daily basis, (especially relationships) but I feel that opening up about this issue is part of my healing.

Let’s look at examples…

So you like someone, I mean, you really like someone, and it’s going well, then all of a sudden you find yourself, holding back; your guard’s up, you’re no longer giving your all, even though the other person has begun to respond positively, it seems like they like you, yet you’re not sure. (However, your holding back method of ‘protect before they reject you’ and the general forced, lack of effort, in conversation and personal contact may have placed doubt in their mind, and yours also.) They have begun to think you’re not into them, so you find they’re holding back too, which is only natural.
Scenario 1

It’s a domino effect in some respects, you’ve rejected yourself before they rejected you, therefore you’ve also now been rejected (like you thought you would be) – it’s become a self-filling prophecy. There’s logic behind this mayhem I suppose, and of course there’s reasoning behind this mentality; you’ve built up walls in your (heart) to guard yourself from getting hurt.

There’s another extreme, on one hand you hold back but on the other hand you give everything you’ve got to someone who is not right for you. Months in, you get the gist that the feelings aren’t mutual. But you still push it, and find the courage to show them you’re into them without coming right out and saying, (I like you…) the table turns, after weeks or even months of throwing yourself at this person, they let you down gently.
Scenario 2

You’ve thrown yourself at this person, with the certainty that there’s no way they will reject you. But they do, with good reason. In this situation there’s an aftermath of feelings, you may feel crushed, and feelings like, ‘why didn’t they let me know earlier that they weren’t interested?’ ‘I feel like I’ve wasted time.’ There’s an undercurrent feeling of regret and even for some people stupidity.

My Story (in less than 300 words)

Of course, I believe there’s a root to these internal feelings of rejection. I experienced a lot of rejection as a child. I felt as though I wasn’t very appealing in my looks, because I was constantly being compared to other family members, I was the tall one, not the pretty one. I recall being called ‘ugly’ by a group of boys at a local park, and I held on to this comment for a long time even though I knew in my heart of the heart that this wasn’t true. When I look back at my childhood photos I realize I was really beautiful and just needed an external voice to confirm that.

I was overlooked in my early teens; I was the shy one, the skinny one, the pale one. Things changed, in my college years, I had become desirable. But these ingrained issues of rejection had build layers in my heart.

I didn’t know who I was, and I wasn’t aware of my beauty. I rejected any guy who asked me out in my late teens, partly because I didn’t feel ready for relationships, and if they get to know me, would they still like me (note: self-rejection.) After my university years, the interest I got from guys died down so I accepted the first guy that showed any interest in me, after my first psychotic episode. To find out that he originally liked a family member – (talk about rejection.) I was 23 and I felt I was back in my early teens once again, I felt like second best; I felt like plan B.

What can we do about self-rejection??

Tip 1 # Don’t take life too seriously

Someone once said, life’s not a rehearsal, and that’s true, we can’t redo things that have already past. But also we are not constantly on a stage, and we shouldn’t be living our lives constantly looking for approval from others. Approve yourself first. And give yourself time to breathe.

Tip 2 # Everyone makes mistakes

This doesn’t mean we must purposely go out to make a mistake, but this does mean, that we need to accept we are human, therefore we are prone to making mistakes. Don’t allow mistakes to diminish your value and worth. You performance is part of you as a person, but it doesn’t determine what you are worth and value.

Tip 3 # Briefly study rejection from a psychological perspective

Rejection is real and even more so self-rejection – just researching rejection a little bit has shed light on some of the emotional wounds in my heart and mind. Allow yourself time to heal. People say time is a healer, but sometimes you need the ‘hurt’ to come to the surface so it can be dealt with. – I’m going through a healing process myself, writing out letters, in the form of a diary entry, to address those who have hurt me, or rejected me in the past, whether intentionally or unintentionally. I believe acknowledgement is the first step to healing, especially from rejection.

Tip 4 # Do things for yourself and value

You treat those who you value, treat yourself, having a massage, sauna and steam room once in a while or going to your favourite coffee shop.

Read my past post about value: https://lookafteru4me.wordpress.com/2019/11/12/your-net-worth-is/

Tip 5 # Know you are accepted even when you are rejected by others.

Lastly, one more point, if you look throughout history; rejected people have the potential to be the greatest leaders, influencers, and world shakers; you can make a significant difference to this world in a major way; especially when you’re not accepted by the majority.(Fact)

Take a personality test, you may find you share a personality type with a major influencer or leader.

Lonely but not alone…

Loneliness is defined ‘as being sad because one has no friends or company.’ But I don’t think the dictionary’s definition does the term ‘loneliness’ any justice. Loneliness is much more than the absence of friends and company; Loneliness is a tangible presence for many, and doesn’t discriminate by age, gender or social class. It may be more overbearing at particular times of the year, like over the Christmas period (if you don’t have anyone to share this time with) or on Valentine’s Day if you don’t have a significant other, (and sometimes if you do.)

(Like myself) you may have several or plenty acquaintances or people who you consider as close friends yet still battle with loneliness. You could even be accustomed to entertaining small talk at work functions, or discussing your life’s progress at catch ups with friends (but like me) you’re missing a true deep connection with others. Let’s take Facebook for example, one of the most common forms of social media; your account may reflect that you have hundreds of friends at hand, but there’s seems to be no one who you could truly connect with when you really need to. You may find yourself in a serious relationship (like I did) yet you may still feel a sense of loneliness because your counterpart doesn’t fully connect or understand you. Sometimes I’m surrounded by many people at social functions yet I feel as though I’m an outsider, like I’m not fully connected to others.

“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”
― Kim Culbertson

I believe that the average person will experience or has experienced loneliness to some degree in their lifetime. I took a loneliness test a couple of weeks ago. My results: I quote: “your feelings of loneliness can become a bit overwhelming or more serious than usual — like now — it may be a sign that something isn’t quite balanced in your life.” – (Nothing can be closer to the truth.) Something is out of balance, my week consists of work, work, work during the day, and the weekend preparing for the next week. Yesterday feelings of loneliness hit me like a ton of rocks. I started looking for a psychological definition of loneliness when I wasn’t satisfied with the dictionary definition. However I couldn’t find one that could define what I’ve been experiencing over the past week.

You are UNIQUE

This may sound cliche but it’s the truth. For as long as I can remember my sense of loneliness was driven by that feeling of being misunderstood. (like other people didn’t get me) especially on first encounters and sometimes thereafter. I found out that my personality type only makes up 2% of the population (no wonder I always feel misunderstood or weird.)

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”
Wayne W. Dyer

Don’t be left alone with your thoughts

When I listen to my thoughts, and my thoughts alone I sometimes make hasty decisions. Throw your thoughts out there (to someone you trust) and see if they sound rational to that person. For example, recently I’ve been thinking: “I will always be alone”, “my friends are dating or getting married, but I’m still single”, “I’m going to probably get married really late, or not at all”. This is not rational. Like I said in a previous post, there are 15 million single people in the UK and about 50% of them are looking for a serious relationship. (That’s a lot of potential dating candidates)

Remember you’re not the only one who experiences loneliness.

According to the National Statistics, in 2016 to 2017, there were 5% of adults in England who reported feeling lonely “often” or “always”. If you were to look at the population as a whole, (hypothetically) if everyone took the survey, that’s roughly 4 million adults who experience loneliness to some degree. You are not alone.

Very Informative Video

This is just the tip of the iceberg, to get you thinking, there’s many more resources on overcoming loneliness online:

https://www.redcross.org.uk/get-help/get-help-with-loneliness

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/#.Xeud_pP7Spq

Have an amazing day!

To my followers, readers and bloggers. Have an amazing valentines day!
I mean that from the bottom of my heart, not only to those that have a significant other, (married or dating) but those who are single, or those who are looking for a relationship, or someone to love. Remember despite your current relationship status, you are of significant worth and value. Treat someone else today, and first and foremost, treat yourself!
I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. “Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.”
Enjoy your day!!

Relationships, Relapse and Recovery; Revised.

For those of you who have experienced a psychotic episode/s, you would be familiar with that ‘feeling’ that grips your very soul afterwards – especially when you’re left alone with your thoughts for a couple of weeks or even months –

“That feeling is the need to get back to normality and everyday living.”
LookAfterU4me Writer

Amongst other feelings such has shame, lost of time, regret this overbearing feeling or the ‘need to get back to normality’ may manifest itself in many ways, (for me) there was a desire to get back into work, pursue old hobbies, but most overwhelmingly, the desire to meet someone who truly needs me. – Especially after feeling so needy in what I will call the recovery period.

This desire, to meet someone who truly needs you, is inevitable and part of life – It was evidence that we are beginning to get back our former self/selves. Yet I wish that (years ago) I hadn’t entered a relationship with false expectations, hoping that person would complete me, or keep me well.

(I needed to do that for myself).

After an episode, I ended up in a serious relationship – despite my family’s concerns, (and my own doubts) about my readiness for a relationship. This long term relationship added more stress to my life, and didn’t give me the space to work things out. When I look at it now, from a distance, the pressure and the strain from that relationship made me feel more isolated from my friends and family, and eventually made me relapse.

“The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.”Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.”
– Jim Rohn

This basically means (to me) look after you first. This may sound selfish, but it’s one of the most important phrases that I have on replay in my mind (thanks to my Dad.) Remember this:

if you get unwell, or have a relapse, life will go on without you.

Life stops for no one, so your health is the most important factor in your life right now.

I realise now that there are different stages of recovery and it’s an on- going process for me and many others like myself. If you break your leg, you go to the doctor, get a plaster cast, and then you expect a healing process afterwards. After a psychotic episode, your mind also needs that recovery period; it needs time to heal… you should expect a healing process likewise to the physical body.

This is the advice I would have given to my younger self – before entering a love relationship after an psychotic episode or relapse.

Take a Break

Get your life in perspective, if you are in a recovery period or you’ve been unwell for quite a while – use this period to get to know yourself (your likes and dislikes.) This also applies to those who have broken up from a relationship – giving yourself distance from a ‘love relationship’ can help you see more clearly. I was discuss this further at the end concerning my own personal story.

Try not to rush into a relationship for the wrong reasons

Overwhelming feelings of loneliness can push you to go into a relationship, even if you’re not in a state of mind to be in one. Remember you can sense over-neediness in someone else, so someone else can sense it in you. Another person cannot complete you, and another person cannot make you happy.

Don’t Settle

In my recovery period, I use to have the feeling that no one else would want me – so I settled for the first guy that gave me attention. This was detrimental, since I didn’t give myself time to heal. According to the Parsnip Online Dating Magazine “there are 15 million single people in the UK and about 50% of them are looking for a serious relationship.” (Wow! that’s a lot of potential dating candidates) so there’s no rush.

Know the person as a friend first

People control what they show during a dating relationship, whereas if you know someone as a friend first you get to know their strengths and weaknesses – and whether they’re a possible contender and someone you would want to let into your life.

Strengthen ties with close friends and family

There’s a temptation to isolate yourself when you’re in a recovery stage of Mental Health. If you don’t feel comfortable reaching out to your friends right now – draw closer to your family – or another means of counsel. Don’t suppress your true emotions.

Finally…

Know Yourself First

This may seem obvious (your automatic response may be – I do know myself) when I say know yourself, I mean, know your identity who you; your principles, your values, your likes and dislikes, your personal boundaries. If you don’t know yourself in a dating, or any long term relationship, that very relationship is likely to swallow you up – despite how strong you are.

My Story

“I recall being in a relationship years ago, and I didn’t fully know myself, I allowed the other person to lead everything and make all the major decisions, concerning dating locations, future plans for our lives etc… It was not until, 2 years in, I began finding myself- I was unrecognisable in comparison to the woman he once knew whilst I was in the recovery stage; I became more outspoken, bubbly and opinionated (he wasn’t accustomed to this) Whereas before I was more agreeable, and tolerable of things that went against my character and own personal standards when I first met him. My standards rose, the pressure rose, I relapsed in the midst of this relationship because of the stress and imbalance, but I feel as though as sad as that is, this period acted has my safety net at the time, to grant me distance myself from my ex- boyfriend and see him in a different light. – A couple months later the relationship was broken off, without words, it finally had come to a end, and I was thankful, I lost the time spent dating, but I had found myself again.

Use the next couple of months to get to know yourself; your principles, your values, your likes and dislikes, your personal boundaries…

I’ve linked a video which helped me understand psychosis from a psychological perspective.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdiPK3-K5is

Still up? but want to go to sleep, read on…

If you haven’t already, have a read of this post, especially if you’re having trouble with sleeplessness, either falling asleep or staying asleep – and the knock on effect it may have on our mental health. I’ve included some tips and tricks to help you along the way.

Enjoy your week:)

Sleep deprivation and Mental Health…

Can’t sleep?/ Can’t stay asleep?

Do you feel really tired during the day? and wide awake at night? On the other hand to you try to establish a bed routine, and find yourself waking up during the middle of the night? I couldn’t relate to this until my recent struggles with sleeplessness and tiredness and at times fatigue.

Read on…

Until recently I haven’t had any problems with sleep. I could go to bed early and wake up early. My body was on autopilot in terms of my sleep and wake patterns. I came across a man called Steve Stevenson on YouTube (who in my eyes is a sleep expert) expressing all the advantages of sleep, he says, I quote:

“I know now that our sleep quality is more important than our diet and exercise combined.”
– Steve Stevenson

I recently bought his book on audible – called Sleep Smarter (this is not a sponsored post ladies and gents) But it was my first acquaintance with this speaker/best-selling author that changed my mindset about sleep and its importance. I don’t claim to be an expert in this area. But my inability to get asleep or stay asleep was one of my major triggers before my last two episodes/ relapses.

“I thought back, and realised that these sleep problems weren’t sudden. There was a build up to my inability to stay asleep, and sleeplessness.”
LookAfterU4me Writer

Not taking or forgetting to take meds

(Especially when one of my meds had sleep aiding tendencies.) Don’t feel guilty if you have the tendency to forget to take your meds. I listed a couple of tips below to assist you on your journey.

Set and alarm on your phone, so you’re consistent about when you take your medication.
Have a medication box or container with the days of the week, so you know what medication you have taken. And refill this container with the days of the week, when the week comes to a close.
Proceed with caution, when it comes to mindset around taking meds. I had a negative view towards medication until recently. Views on meds are sometimes hard to change. Learn to know your triggers and manage them. Just take one day at a time…

A change, a life event.

This can be the rearrangement of your living space by another person, so that you can’t find things. Or you just started dating someone, or you have a secret crush and you could be fantasizing about them late at night– (we’ve all been there ladies and gents.) – sparking excitement and sheer wonder. Or on the contrary you just broke up with someone, this scenario can trigger restlessness, worry or thoughts of what could we could have done to change things, or regretfully thinking I could have done things differently. Even some inevitable such as a change in living arrangements, or job can impact or change your sleep patterns for a little while.

You can’t always anticipate everything, but try to anticipate things you know are going to change (if possible) like a job change or a move or in the midst of the change in situation. I’ve listed some things you can try out below:

Tip1: You could make small changes to your sleep. For example, sleeping half an hour earlier.
Tip 2: Try to cut of technology, turning of your phone an hour before bed. Avoid checking your emails just before you go to bed including things like Instagram or Facebook. – These forms of social media and technology can leave your thoughts racing.
Tip 3: Write your thoughts down if you’re lying in your bed trying to figure out things or reasoning.

Are you worried you’re not sleeping enough?

For the past week or so, on 3 or 4 occasions I’ve woken up and the first thing I look at is the time – (it’s either 2 or 3 o clock) that’s my first mistake. Then I think to myself: “I’ve only been sleeping for 4 or 5 hours, and I’ve got work the next day.”- What’s wrong with this scenario (of checking the time), it’s kinda setting up yourself for failure. Like me, you may not feel relaxed when you lie down and attempt to go back to sleep because you’ve looked at the time And may not feel it’s possible to fall back into a deep sleep.

If your sleep is interrupted:

Tip 1: Get a hot drink, like Chamomile Tea, warm milk (for non- dairy folks, hot Oat milk/ Almond milk) with a bit of cinnamon.
Tip 2: Avoid looking at the time (this is easier said than done)
Tip 3: Try avoiding scrolling on social media or even YouTube.
Tip 4: Read, write or listen to music, read a book, or listen to a book or calming music on a low sound level.
Tip 5 Write your thoughts in a notebook or journal rather than going over it in your head.

Note to readers: if sleeplessness persists I would recommend contacting your doctor, especially if you’ve gone through a change e.g. a reduction in medication, or a change in diet.

Shawn Stevenson speaking on sleep:

Find out more on how sleep affects mental health below:https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/sleep-and-mental-health

Being sectioned; what does it mean?

I’m writing this post in hope that you can gain some understanding about what being sectioned is, whether you have experienced it yourself, or you know someone who has gone through this experience. Let’s begin with the definition; the dictionary defines being sectioned as ‘having been committed compulsorily to a psychiatric hospital in accordance with a section of a mental health act.’ The word compulsorily connotes that something is ‘required by law or a rule; obligatory’.

Therefore being section is interlinked with the Mental Health Act 1983. This law permits someone to be sectioned if they are assessed and they have been considered as having a somewhat ‘severe’ mental illness. But it’s not that simple.

According to Mind, there are several factors that would be taken into consideration before detaining someone in a Mental Health Hospital. For example, ‘if they’re worried about your safety or the safety of others.’ ‘Or if the doctors think you need to be assessed and treated in hospital’, or if ‘they think your illness will get worse’. But who determines this life-altering decision? When I look back, there were several people involved in the process leading up to my section, the psychiatrist; the mental health nurse, the care coordinator and the doctors.

There are many questions I ask myself now. What if I knew then that there were other ways of getting treatment that doesn’t involve being hospitalised or sectioned. I wonder whether I would have regained my right mind? If I had known I had the right to express my views in my assessment leading up to my section, would I have remained so silent in my meeting? It is my hope that you research and find out your rights if you have gone through, or are going through this type of situation.

‘If you are sectioned, you can be kept in hospital, stopped from leaving the ward and given treatment for your mental health problems, possibly without your consent.’
Mind

Know your rights

The lack of consent is what probably frustrated me the most whilst being sectioned. Yet many of us don’t realise that we have human rights despite being sectioned. The first being, getting copies of your paperwork, I remember getting this, but I don’t remember signing it even though it had my signature on it as plain as day. The next was telephone access; I was constantly calling my parents and siblings, and lastly the right to appeal your section through a solicitor. I recall doing this and getting a letter from a solicitor. The one thing I’ve only recently heard about is getting an advocate, I don’t recall if I had one or not at that time when I was unwell, but then again I don’t really recall many titles because I came across dozens of people whilst being in the mental health ward.

This is not the end

Sometimes I wonder if I had done things differently; if I had been much calmer and had not been constantly fighting the people who were trying to help me. Would I have been sectioned? Yet in the back of my mind, I realise that this period provided me with the time, to regain my mental consciousness. There were moments when I thought (I can’t take one more thing), as they held me down and jabbed me with a needle to calm me down. There were many lonely moments especially when being sectioned over the Christmas period, or missing my birthday because I was still hospitalised. But there were moments of realisation, and encounters with other people who have altered my life in a sense; the occupational therapist; the chaplain; the psychiatric nurse, these encounters kept me connected to the everyday moments of life.

I would never go as far as to say; I’m glad this all happened. But I would say, I’m glad I found myself, I’m glad I have empathy and compassion for those in similar or worse situations.

If it had been left up to me, I wouldn’t have been able to accept that I needed to go to the hospital at the time, or that I needed to be assessed. So I’m grateful to the Mental Health Act to a certain degree; I’m grateful to be alive and well today.

Thank you for supporting my blog this year. This is the last post of the year. Thank you for reading and enjoy the rest of your night!

Merry Christmas Bloggers, Readers!!!

A special thank you to all my readers and followers. Have a splendid Christmas and fabulous New Year.

About LookAfterU4me

LookafterU4me is a open forum which intends to help lift the stigma and shame that is associated with mental health, enabling you to live a fulfilling, life of purpose. This blog is birthed out of the intent to break the silence, and speak up, so that people that have gone through mental health difficulties don’t begin to think their alone or another statistic. – Help me to create a strong social support network, each week I will be sharing resources, quotes, helpful videos, and advice that I’ve picked up on my journey.

Suicide and Mental Health

It’s approaching Christmas day; the shops are fully stocked with all things Christmas-sy. But where would we be without a feel-good Christmas movie. Everyone has their favourites; Christmas with the Kranks, Miracle on 34^th street, the classic Home Alone movies. Yet nothing can beat a good black and white movie like It’s a Wonderful Life (1942), starring one of my favourite actors, James Stewart.

In this movie, James Stewart plays an ambitious young character called George Bailey, who is ready to travel the world, and see all the sites. However, unexpectedly his Father passes away. Leaving George Bailey at a crossroad, not knowing whether to continue with his quest to travel the world, or reluctantly take over the family business. He decides on the latter, and takes over his Father’s business for two reasons: so it doesn’t get into the hands of his Father’s wealthy and ruthless opposition Mr Potter, – and also in hope that his younger brother will return home and eventually take over the family business.

After several years, (James Stewart’s character) George’s younger brother Harry returns, happily married with job prospects that push Harry further away from the family business. George Bailey’s dreams are dashed. But he also falls in love, marries and settles down, yet still as his dreams of travelling in the back of his mind. (There’s a point to this story guys) Things start to look up for George. Yet regrettably his uncle Billy carelessly loses £8,000 pounds from the Building & Loan cash flow (the family business), which puts the family business in serious jeopardy.

As a last resort, George Bailey reaches out to Mr Potter, in hope that he would loan him £8,000, since the bank examiner was due to examine George’s family business affairs, that very same day.

I remember one thing that stood out to me the most in the movie; this one line incautiously said by Mr Potter, I quote: “You’re worth more dead than alive”

It’s a Wonderful Life Clip

This one phrase, this one moment led the character George Bailey down the road of despond, and eventually despair. George considered jumping over a bridge and ending it all. But his guardian angel jumps in and George ends up rescuing his guardian angel ( Clarence) instead, – who then shows George what his town would have looked like if it hadn’t been for George’s life.

We cannot tear out a single page of our life,

but we can throw the whole book in the fire.
—George Sand

I don’t think I’m fully qualified to discuss what I’m calling the Big “S.” I studied it from a sociological perspective at college. From the sociological perspective of Durkheim there can be many social reasons for someone taking their own life, political reasons, bereavement, or disconnection from society (or in George Bailey’s case declaring bankruptcy), However I don’t believe something like suicide can be so black and white.

Most of us have experienced moments of hopelessness or feelings of wanting to give up. Yet our experiences may have not driven us to utter despair. According to the Samaritans there were 6,507 suicides in the UK in 2018, and it went onto say that men are 3 times more likely to die by suicide than women. More times than most I think the suicide or attempted suicide is a cry for Help.

Remember these points below:

Life can’t do without you

Most people tend to have an under exaggerated opinions of themselves. Right now you may be thinking: “Life wouldn’t miss me if I wasn’t here”... but unknown to you, your life as a knock on effect on other lives. (There’s only one of you.) I could think of dozens of scenarios where my life as effected someone else. For example, when a friend has felt lonely, or discouraged, I would always lean a listening ear. The fact that I always remember family birthdays, and everyone else usually forgets, (first person to text on group chats) These seem like simple and sometimes insignificant things. Yet one simple act, or word may have saved someone’s day, or life. I wish we could actually have a guardian angel like Clarence who could show us what this world would be without us…

Reach out to professionals

I’ve always had a “This too shall pass” motto to life – yet I’ve found that some thoughts are fleeting other thoughts are ingraining on our very souls. – in times when thoughts of death and despair bombard you don’t feel shame or afraid of asking for help early ( through therapy or counselling)

You’re not the odd one out

Most people have had moments of hopelessness throughout life, it may be a bereavement,not knowing where your life is going, battling with mental health issues on a day to day basis or feeling like a failure. Know this: so many people are in similar (sometimes worse) predicaments than you. I say this not to undermine or belittle your circumstance but so you don’t feel alone in this battle.

Remember this is not a sign of weakness

Suicidal thoughts is a symptom that something is wrong or out of balance. I don’t know if it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain, changes in medication, or a life event that triggers suicidal thoughts?? Yet like mental health the Big S doesn’t discriminate it’s victims – The suicide statistics reflect that many people have hit a hard place.

Hope is a necessity for normal life and the major weapon against the suicide impulse.
—Karl A. Menninger

Helpful Links:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/#.XfJbSZP7Spo

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/

Helplines:

Samaritans – for everyone
Call 116 123
Email jo@samaritans.orgInformation:

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men
Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day
Visit the webchat pageInformation:

Papyrus – for people under 35
Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm
Text 07860 039967
Email pat@papyrus-uk.orgInformation:

Picture Perfect: Body Image and Mental Health

Most of us are guilty of editing or adding filters to images of ourselves – and to be honest sometimes it’s just a bit of fun – other times it reflects something much deeper. Who could blame us? We’ve learnt from the experts; Photoshop filters and airbrushed skin would appear so common in the fashion industry and the latest fashion magazines. Poor body image and low self esteem has been blamed on this industry time and time again. But these concerns just touch on the surface. Not everyone is reading or even idolizing, copying or aspiring to be the like the next top model. Body image starts in the mind, even as far back has your childhood. We’ve all heard of celebrities experiencing body shaming after weight gain most commonly due to pregnancy. However body shaming happens to the average person, you don’t need to be famous. Experiencing mental health difficulties can influence and alter your body due to medications that encourage weight gain and changes in eating patterns. (I’m writing this post in hope that I can encourage someone in a similar predicament. It’s tough but let’s begin.)

“Body image is mental and emotional: it’s both the mental picture that you have of your body and the way you feel about your body when you look in a mirror.”
– Here to Help

But what has formed these opinions we have or ourselves?

My view of the ‘ideal weight’, whether it was feed by the media I couldn’t say, but I’ve always had an ideal weight in my mind. This was often fuelled by other people’s opinions or criticism whether consciously or unconsciously. The opinion and comments of family and friends is something that has always mattered. I would go even as far as to say that sometimes stares of approval or disapproval can be a major influence on my body image on a daily basis.

The Mental Health Foundation conducted a survey of just over 4,000 people this year. This is some of their findings: I quote: 1 in 5 adults felt shame about their body image; just over 1/3 felt down or low, and 19% felt down or disgusted because of their body image. Unfortunately these statistics are not surprising (to myself), but more so a confirmation that poor body image is a growing issue.

“Higher body dissatisfaction is associated with a poorer quality of life, psychological distress and the risk of unhealthy eating behaviours and eating disorders.”
Mental Health Foundation

My Story: why body image is so important to me?
LookAfterU4me

For as long as I can remember I’ve been a fussy eater and this pickiness is what kept my weight so consistently down in my teenage years and early twenties. After my University years, I ended up in Chelsea and Westminster Hospital – My body was rejecting food, I had to have a drip forced down my nose – I couldn’t speak, note: (I would try to speak but words wouldn’t come out) this first episode and first encounter with mental health left the doctors baffled, because they couldn’t explain what had happened and was happening to me. They pumped by body with different medications until my body responded to one. I lost a lot of weight, I was severely underweight so my parents ensured they was always food ready available.

After this experience, my diet started to change and initially this was a good thing. I wanted to put on weight: (healthy weight) yet 9 to 10 months into recovery my weight gain started becoming uncontrollable. Over the space of 2 years I gained 4 ½ stone. This had a knock on effect on my self esteem and body image.

“It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power!”
― Robert T. Kiyosaki

Something as simple as going to the corner shop, or going to the high road was hard work. I was more conscious if I happened to bump into someone who I used to know from school or uni. How would I explain the rapid weight gain? Especially to those who didn’t know my life changing experience.

Watch this video it brought tears to my eyes…

“It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

Remember your flaw can turn out to be your greatest strength

This may sound ridiculous but something that I would have once considered a flaw has turn out to be my greatest strength or feature as I’ve grown older. What I once got criticism for I now get compliments for, like my hair type, my skin complexion, my personality type. Note to self: body image can change at anytime

Research Body image

This is a good place to start: The Mental Health Foundation/ Here to Help

I’ve included this video because it’s such an eye opener.