“Take one day at a time” – Healthy ‘Mind’ Habits (Part 3)

Take one day at a time

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It’s one of the most common and overused statements – but literally, it has been a lifesaver in every sense of the word.

Before you are tempted to click away, or even patiently intrigued to stay, be aware that this phrase, dare I say ‘concept’, has been overlooked by me, and maybe others, repeatedly. But last year I consciously chose to implement the ‘one day at a time’ mentality in my personal life during work days, and ‘rest days’ and it has done wonders for my general frame of mind.

I used to be that person who overplanned, and ‘over delivered.’ Yes, you read that right, I literally had many ideas flowing through my mind on a consistent basis (which is not necessarily a bad thing.) However, I would place an immense and unnecessary amount of pressure on myself to achieve those goals (both short-term and long) in a small time frame.

“Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for your life to begin and start making the most of the moment you are in.”

― Germany Kent

Most years, I happily assemble a vision board which I can refer to throughout the year – for motivation and direction, it consists of all the things I hope to achieve. But to many of us unaware, it is the everyday occurrences that are most prominent and evident in our lives on a daily basis, whether we like it, or not.

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Each day is a new day to conquer. Each moment is a new moment to embrace ☕ – despite how challenging it may be.

– Lookafteru4me

Do I catch myself drifting back into old habits? yes, now and then (just 10 minutes ago, I sensed my mind pondering all the things I desire to do, personal projects and things I hope to achieve. ) But how quickly I’m comprehending that: some hopes and dreams may have to be put on the back bench until an appropriate or convenient time comes, no matter how demanding they may appear right now.

What is the overall message or purpose of this post? (you may ask) -To establish that (taking one day at a time) may be one of the most effective and fundamental coping strategies known to man.

How do I take one day at a time?

#Plan

This may sound contradictory, but planning a few weeks on a calendar has been one of the best things ever. I work in the educational field, so I plan 6-7 weeks at a time because that happens to be how I break up the terms and half terms. When you spread out a calendar, and note key dates, reminders, or proposed dates for certain events and projects – it helps you see things in perspective (literally)

“The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next.”

― Mignon McLaughlin

# Identify your essentials and non-essentials

Feel free to practice writing a list of all the things you did today: A list with colour codes helps you see things in perspective and identify your essentials and non-essentials.

# Set reminders if needs be.

Putting a reminder on your phone or laptop can give you that safety net where preparation or planning is concerned. Not only for major events and tasks but for everyday things, for example, a gentle reminder to prepare dinner, run a bath, or put on the laundry.

# Take time for yourself (mind-care)

‘Mind-care’ or self-care is fundamental to operating at your full capacity. My previous post sheds more light on this.

# Cross out your accomplishments once completed.

It’s easy to forget what has been accomplished once it has been accomplished, (I don’t know why.) Someone may have to remind you that you performed really well at an open mic last month, or you completed a goal-related course a few weeks ago.

I hope you enjoyed this post, feel free to like and follow if you want to hear relatable and transparent blog posts.

“Feeling clouded, tired or overwhelmed?” (this post is for you)💌 – Healthy Habits Series -(Part 2)

Take this moment for yourself.

– Lookafteru4me

It’s the weekend😊 – this means one thing; it’s time to rest – relax and recharge for the week ahead. Yet for many of us, there are so many things demanding our attention. Whether it’s our regular food shopping, cleaning our space, washing work clothes, attending to the kids, or aiming to complete an assignment for work or uni – in an ever so demanding age, we may neglect the seemingly minor things like – taking time for yourselves. (I know this to be true for myself)

“Take time for yourself. If you feel guilty eating lunch away from your
desk or lingering in a bath, let the deprogramming begin.”

― Gina Greenlee

Even the most well-meaning, and intentional person can get bogged down with endless demands and tasks. It’s not that we should purposely neglect the necessary, and obligating things. Instead, we could aim to balance work, play and rest. It’s evitable that every now and then we may require a mental break from the tasks at hand; a moment of peace to regain and revive our mental energy to last through the day.

What does taking time for ourselves look like?

(These are things which I practice on a regular basis, they have been my lifeline, in many respects.)

Below are some suggestions:

# 15 minutes rest – with a relaxing instrumental playing in the background – set your timer – because you may just fall asleep😴 – (instrumental at the bottom of the page)

# Make your hot cup of your favourite drink or tea☕

# Walk outside to stretch your legs for a moment or two 🚶‍♂️

# Take a must-needed break from looking at your computer screen💻

# Run a hot bath and soak & relax to some comforting music🛁

A moment for yourself looks different for different people (so be creative) – This reminder is not only for you but is a must-needed reminder to myself- (I had to take several breaks from writing this post) – for my fellow bloggers you know that feeling, where the mind gets clouded, and you need to take a step back.  🤗

“Take this moment for yourself”

I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. “Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.”

– Jim Rohn

(Follow Lookafteru4me for more relatable future posts)😊

I’ve linked one of my favourite lofi- instrumental beats. I use this video on a regular basis to rest, relax and chill for 10-15 minutes throughout the weekend & even some evenings after work. 😊

“A walk a day keeps the pressure away…🤗” Healthy Habits Series -(Part 1)

“A walk a day keeps the pressure away”

– Lookafteru4me

Walking is something that can be taken for granted, yet the simplest things can often be. – For two days straight,  I found myself downcast, tired and lacking energy without understanding why. 

I had every self-care measure in place; I was putting the right nourishment in my body; taking vitamins; my sleep hygiene was back to normal, and most recently, I re-established a daily routine. The physical, mental and spiritual foundations of my life all seemed balanced. However, one thing had changed from my day-to-day routine; it had been over 2 days since I had stepped outside.

Wonder;Weather;Walking

We are drawing near to the end of winter, and slowly progressing towards spring. Now and then, we are fortunate to get sunlight in some measure. I thought it was sufficient enough to draw the curtains each morning, to let the abundance of light flow through my bedroom (when the sun was shining.) – But nothing compensates for the fresh air, and the beams of sunlight, mixed with gushes of breeze in broad daylight, (so I’m learning.)

As I stepped outside, what seemed like an imbalance in my energy and mood was rapidly swept away. I was so tempted to avoid researching the reasons behind this positive shift – and how a short walk could have such a dramatic change in my mood, and mindset.

But upon looking up ‘why are walks good for the mind?’ I discovered that there was a reason behind my shift in mindset and mood.

Let me enlighten you: 

Upon reading several sources, there seemed to be a reoccurring theme throughout each article. Several stated, that walking has the means to change and impact your mood. (I know this to be true because that is the first thing I experience 2 minutes into my walk.)

My energy was low when I was in the confinement of my home, but after a few minutes outdoors, I felt energised. Feeling a greater measure of energy was said to be one of the key benefits of walking throughout many articles related to walking and mental health.

It has been said that walking can reduce your stress levels; this could not be closer to the truth. – My mind began refocused on other things as I walked to the coffee, e.g my intended location, or the nice weather or breeze against my face. Through difficult times, a well-needed walk has been a lifesaver not matter the duration. However, I also understand that other coping techniques that have proven beneficial e.g. journaling or talking to a trusted family member.

Top Tips for beginners like me:

#Start small

Starting with a brisk walk to the coffee shop, or a slow pace walk through a park with a friend or family member can be beneficial for your mental energy or mood. If walking is not possible, go for a stroll around your garden – or sit and take in the sunshine.

#Don’t make it a chore

When things become ‘obligating’ we can begin to dread those things. Enjoy your walk, and maybe include it in your self-care routine (if you have one.)  In an ideal world, I would love walking to become as important as brushing my teeth or washing my face. 🤗 But that may not be plausible. One rule # When it’s necessary, to clear your mind, and boost your energy and mood go for a walk. 

#Don’t carry back anything too heavy

We’ve all been there, we walk to the high road, then pick up a few items, a can or this, a jar of that – at first it may appear light, but when you’re halfway home, the weight on your arms becomes too heavy and even in some cases unbearable. If your walk is for a mental break try to avoid this common mistake.

#Be prepared:

It’s very handy to have a bottle of water, or a snack (or some spare change) during a walk. It goes without saying, apply sunscreen to your face😎– this statement might surprise you but even during ‘winter’ months so that your skin is not exposed to the elements.

#Keep a record

This can be a diary entry, or a tally chart – if walking is something you would like to introduce into your weekly routine, keep a note or record, so you can look back, and celebrate your accomplishments. (this tip is optional if you’re more of a free spirit, go with the wind.)

The next time you’re under pressure, go for a short walk or stroll around your garden, bring your favourite herbal tea or hot beverage in a flask- you may be surprised how you feel afterwards:)

Thank you for reading this blog post – it means a lot to us 🤗 have a beautiful day:)

Myths about Mental Health: Depression

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“I thought ‘depression’ and ‘sadness’ were basically the same thing…”

– Anonymous

I’m sure we’ve all heard someone say in a fleeting moment, ‘I’m depressed’ or ‘I feel so depressed’ after something devastating happens, or when life doesn’t pan out the way in which they intended. It goes to show that the term depression is sometimes used very casually and even carelessly. However, I’m going to briefly discuss the difference between ‘sadness’ and ‘depression, from my viewpoint.’

A couple months back, I was having a discussion, dare I say debate – around the difference between ‘depression’ and ‘sadness’ with my younger sister. She expressed that everyone will or has experienced some sort of depression at one point in their life. I quickly corrected her that everybody may experience some sort of sadness at one point in their life, however not everyone will experience depression. The term depression and sadness are distinctly different but are often confused has being one and the same thing.

Let’s first explore some definitions of depression to get a better understanding.

‘Depression is a low mood that lasts for a long time, and affects your everyday life.’

– Mind

‘Depression is a long lasting low mood disorder. It affects your ability to do everyday things, feel pleasure or take interest in activities.’

– Rethink

Notice, these two definitions state that depression effects the everyday (everyday life.) When I experienced depression after my first episode, it was difficult to get out of bed, even simple things such as going to the local shop was a chore in itself.  I lacked motivation, so working full time was out of the question (even though I wanted to.)

In my case, my experience/s of depression usually followed after an episode or a relapse, because I felt as if I had to start my life over again. I was put on medication which inevitably impacted my energy levels, caused weight gain and made me really sleepy in the evening and sometimes during the day.

The point I’m trying to make is that sadness, is a natural human response to pain, disappointment and loss. Whereas depression is beyond a state of sadness and has moved towards a lack of ability to cope with everyday life, for example, self-care (having a wash, cleaning clothes) or (remembering to eat, and sleep/rest) or stay connected with family members or friends.

This video below shares more light on the topic of depression:


Psych2Go

More info on the topic of depression below:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/about-depression/

“I will be ‘Happy’ when…[I get married…have kids….get my dream job…”

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Is what I’m feeling right now, ‘loneliness’ or ‘Isolation’?

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The other day I felt an overwhelming feeling of loneliness – or what I perceived as loneliness. My initial reaction was to scroll through my WhatsApp, seeking someone who I can reach out to. For some of you, your initial reaction may be to login to your Instagram or Facebook and start scrolling. – I wrote a poem many years back concerning social media,

I quote: ‘so many friends at hand, but rarely someone to talk to’. – R.R.S

I have a sense that many of us have many acquaintances, family members and to some degree friends that we can text, or call (or in my own words, reach out to.) However, we haven’t been taught how to.

Let me give you an example, I felt lonely to the point that it brought a rush of tears to my eyes and a weight to my heart. But when I try to reach out to others my conversations went something like this, ‘Hi [insert name] How are you?’ Or, ‘how have you been?’ And in my heart, my spirit was crying, what you meant to say was this, ‘Hey there, [insert name] I really need someone to talk to, I’m not feeling myself.’ In that given moment, I cried out to myself, ‘I have no one’ despite being in a romantic relationship, despite being surrounded by my immediate family and despite having friends who I could possibly contact.

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

― F. Scott Fitzgerald

Before lockdown, I had the option of walking to the local coffee shop, or bakery – and ordering a chai latte, or blueberry pancakes sitting down and unwinding from the stresses of life. [Those small interactions with the server, or the people that I met on the way, or the liberty to sit amongst other people seemed insignificant then, but it worth its weight in gold now.] Now, I make my chai latte or cook pancakes in the confinements of my home.

I used to have the option of meeting my friends during my half term breaks to meet my need for human interaction. But now I have to meet over Zoom. Don’t get me wrong Zoom has been a life saver. However, it is very easy to hide emotions and feelings via a webcam. And via Zoom there’s no physical hugs or physical interaction. So, the question I proposed to myself was, “Is what I’m feeling right now, ‘loneliness’ or ‘isolation’?”

Gabriel Benois

Things I’ve learnt over the past week:  

Thoughts are not always trustworthy

Feelings of loneliness are sometimes so tangible that when we are overwhelmed by them we may not grasp how we can possibly break free [in that time it feels like those feelings will last forever.] However, when I say, ‘thoughts are not always trustworthy’, I’m referring to how we feel about the whole situation in context, which may not always have complete truth in it. For example, the thought that came to mind when I was going through this period was, ‘I have no one.’ And a undercurrent feeling or ‘no one’s there for me.’  Yet, I had my family downstairs who I could reach out to. I have a handful of close friends that I could connect with over the phone. However, I didn’t know how to, I have always seen myself has the one people share their problems or concerns with, but I have not yet learnt to trust others with my deepest thoughts.  

Keeping quiet isolates, you, and can make you feel more lonely

“We don’t heal in isolation, but in community.”

― S. Kelley Harrell, Gift of the Dreamtime – Reader’s Companion

To answer the question in my title. I personally feel as though isolation and loneliness work alongside each other, each one feeding the other and vice versa I eventually opened up to my significant other, who assured me that he is always there for me, and promised to call me every hour the following day [in his working hours] even though that promise didn’t materialise because there’s no way he can have business meetings and work on a full-time project and have me at the end of the phone every hour. But just giving me that reassurance that he was there for me helped me, knowing that I have someone I can talk to about these feelings.

Write out your thoughts

Sometimes we don’t know why we feel a certain way. And even when we choose to open up to others, our words can get lost in translation. Therefore, I think journaling is a useful tool in terms of opening up, I have neglected this tool most recently. However, if you journal you get to sieve through what you would like to share with others, and what you just needed to get of your chest.

Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.

– A proverb

Other things that others have tried are:

Music:

Learning an instrument, or listening to the music you love

“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.”

― Maya Angelou

Books:

Reading books, or listening to books can open a world of new possibilities

“When the others were picked up and walked home by friends or fathers or best friend’s sisters,
I was the kid in a grey hoodie, walking with the poets, the singers, the thinkers, and I was not alone.”

― Charlotte Eriksson

Thank you for talking a moment out of your day to read this post.

Have a great day xx

You can be your worst enemy or your greatest friend: Self-hate vs Self-love

‘Self-hate can feel like having a person following you around, all day every day, criticizing you and pointing out every flaw or shaming you for every mistake.’

– Verywellmind

Whether we like it or not we are with ourselves all the time. We are the one person we can’t get away from (even if we really wanted to.) For the longest time ever I’ve led myself to believe that because I spend a lot of time alone and invest in self-care therefore this inevitably means I like my own company, and I truly love myself. Of course that’s an aspect of self-love, however self-love goes much deeper.

‘Self-love begins when we observe our actions and words with compassion as if we were our own best friend.’—

– Sara M Bosworth

Many of us battle with feelings of unworthiness and an undercurrent of being undeserving of love. But I’ve come to see that these feelings are a result or lack of self-love and acceptance for myself.  It’s those feelings that drove me to write this post in order to break the silence and put the ‘inner critic’ to rest. I originally intended to write the exact words and phrases that have been on a constant replay in my head for who knows how long. However I don’t think they deserve the glory or occupancy on this post. But the words that had taken up occupancy in my thoughts were a direct result of my past mistakes and shortcomings throughout my life time.


Psych2Go

‘Everyone makes mistakes’- most of us have heard this phrase over and over. And in a way it may act has a way to lessen the blow of feelings or failure or justify shortcomings for others. However how often do we casually tell ourselves, ‘everyone makes mistakes (including myself)’? How often to we give ourselves the same leeway we give to others, if we don’t meet our expectations? Do we give ourselves that same reassurance and grace that we so freely give to others?

“Many times we are our worst enemy. If we could learn to conquer ourselves, then we will have a much easier time overcoming the obstacles that are in front of us.”

― Stephan Labossiere

So quickly I’m learning that how I talk to myself on a daily basis, has a lot to do with how I esteem myself and esteem has a lot to with self-love. Esteem refers to ‘the regard in which one is held’. Many of us may esteem famous influencers, celebrities, and closer to home, family members or significant others. We have good thoughts, and good words about those we esteem, even when they put a foot wrong.

However the question I’m proposing to you is: who do you have high regard for? And do you have a reasonably high regard for yourself?  

This video sheds more light on the subject at hand

Things you may wish to consider:

WORDS ARE IMPORTANT

We are often taught to look for the best in others, but do we see the best in ourselves? We are taught to treat others in the same respects as ourselves, however how do we treat ourselves internally? If the saying was, “speak to others how you speak to yourself internally” – how would that sound?

If everyone treated others as poorly as they treat themselves, the old biblical adage, “Love your neighbour as yourself,” could be a recipe for war.

Goodtherapy

GIVE YOURSELF LEEWAY TO MAKE MISTAKES

I’ve always said, ‘life is not a rehearsal, you take it has it comes, this improvised play it can’t be undone.’ Just reminding myself of this phrase reminds me that life doesn’t have to be ‘picture perfect’. Most of us expect other people to have imperfections but we don’t allow ourselves the same leeway to fall short or make mistakes. This doesn’t mean, live life recklessly, however it does mean that sometimes we may make plans that don’t reach our expectations, and sometimes we may do things that fall short.

CONFIDENCE FUELS CONFIDENCE

If you were interviewing someone for a job, and they spoke really badly of themselves concerning the job they were interviewing for. Would that give you any confidence in their capabilities and therefore reason to employ them? Negative self-talk is like setting yourself up to fail. It seems harmless, because most people don’t get to hear what you think of yourself.

However, there is a well-known proverb that says, out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks. So, what it going on internally, will eventually spill out externally. Surround yourself with positive speakers and speak positive affirmations about yourself on a regular basis. E.g., ‘I am worthy.’ ‘Good things do happy to me and will happen to me.’ ‘I deserve to be loved.’

I’m not going to pretend affirmations will be the quick fix remedy.  However, it can give you some substance to think on rather than entertaining negative thoughts. Like the proverb says, as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.

Choose to love yourself – because you truly deserve to be love – and loved unconditionally:)

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Refrences and Readings:

Clarke, J MA, LPC/MHSP . (2020). How to Stop Your Self-Hatred. Available: https://www.verywellmind.com/ways-to-stop-self-hatred-4164280. Last accessed 2 Jan 2020.

Learn Ways to Stop Self-Hatred (verywellmind.com)

Freedenthal, S. (2013). How to Turn Self-Hatred into Self-Compassion. Available: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-turn-self-hatred-into-self-compassion-1112135. Last accessed 2 Jan 2020.#

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