“Need-providers have needs too” Vocalising needs:) [Neediness Edition Continued] Pt 2

Providing needs for others:

Some of us may have unintentionally grown into full-time, ‘need-providers’ sometimes exerting our energy, resources and time at the expense of our own personal well-being. For some of us,  it can feel as though basic needs are not being met or acknowledged. Six months ago – (that was me). When you find yourself constantly offering your resources and time from an empty cup; it can feel unhealthy especially when it begins to affect your well-being and sense of peace and wellbeing.
Feelings of being used can surface particularly if it appears others don’t seem to know you beyond the means of providing a need. Demanding individuals can sometimes view one person as their sole means of support. But whether we are on the receiving end or giving end of giving or receiving support; we still have a responsibility for our lives, wellbeing and mental health.

Consider these tips:

# Reaching out to others who love and support you 

If you find it difficult to communicate your needs; try a conversation starter. It’s all about tone and delivery. Remember, ‘a soft answer turns away wrath‘ which means how you say something or answer someone impacts how they respond and feel.
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Possible conversation starters:

‘Would you like to catch up next week’
‘Hun, could you empty the bins, and I’ll do the washing?’
‘I really wanted to go to the cinema, fancy coming?
You may be surprised to find others can and may respond positively when we express our needs genuinely. Even if someone doesn’t react the way you expect don’t lose faith in humanity. The process is more about trusting yourself more.

# Remember you are not alone

Initiating a catch-up, and attending a family function can be a small step towards creating bonds and fulfilling the need for human interaction and fellowship. Being around like-minded people could possibly get your zeal for life going.
Consider delegating your needs across a support network, to meet social, mental, physical and mental needs:

Prime examples:

Trusted friend – catch up
Therapy – resolve conflict in a relationship
Family – interact/ keep in touch
Go for a spa day with sister
Alpha course – speculations about God
Rounders in the park with friends and family
Just because you need affection love, or human interaction doesn’t make you needy or desperate. Desires for relationships, friendships or community may be one of the indications that you’re human.

Find more resources below:

Signing out

LookafterU4me

Other resources:

The Love Languages quiz

The Love Language® Quiz (5lovelanguages.com)

The personality tests:

Personality Types | 16Personalities

Books:

Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend (Author)
(Strongly recommended reading during counselling or therapy) can be quite conflict-fuelling after reading.

“How do you to respond to fantastic news?” – [Revised Version] Regulating Emotions post – Lookafteru4me 🥰😔🥹😂

Daily writing prompt
You get some great, amazingly fantastic news. What’s the first thing you do?
View all responses

You internalise it –

to accept or absorb an idea, opinion, belief,

Have you ever heard the phrase, “I can’t believe he proposed. The actual event has happened but the information is yet to be processed. For some, it may take a couple of hours, or a couple of days for the event to sink in.

To others a matter of minutes. Nevertheless, everyone’s processing time differs in many respects.

Stage 1: You accept it

 to recognize it as true 

For others, acceptance may come quickly. They can accept good things to happen and take the gift, eventually or situation at first glance. For others, the process takes more time to progress what has happened. (that’s me).

Stage 2: You rejoice

to feel or show great happiness about something:

Depending on your character it could be your initial response to rejoice. It usually is mine. The other day, I received a proposal for an expensive gift and felt thrown off because I wasn’t expecting it.

If it was something small or classic, and every day like a bowl of soup or flowers I could readily accept it. But when it comes to the bigger things,  like a gifted laptop or iPad my response rate seemed to be much slower. Especially for those who if you’re not accustomed to being on the receiving end.

Rejoicing initially may come naturally to some, but for others not so freely.

One might wait for the business deal to be completed. Wait until the marriage certificate is signed and the realisation hits home.

Stage 3: Trusting the process

A firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.

When good things happen, particularly with no strings attached it it can help build trust and build our expectations.

We unexpectedly get that pay raise, we receive that promotion, or get a job in the sector we desired, this can give us hope when moving forward.

I say this all to say,

Your process of responding to things may look different than mine, but we all have a process of accepting, trusting and believing for the best. 

I hope you progress as an individual this year. And shine brightly in whatever season you’re in.

Signing out

  • LookafterU4me

dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/internalize

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/accept

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/rejoice

The benefits of journaling? from a journal-keeper [Healing Series pt1 of 2]

By the end of this post, I hope I might persuade an aspiring journal writers to put it to paper. And join the other journal-keepers on a journey to self-discovery and healing. For those who have been active one’s writing pursuits keep at it. You are not alone.
If you’ve taken a break from journaling once or twice in the past few years don’t sweat it. I’ve done the same time and time again. Our seasons will change, but we can still strive to express what’s inside.

# Why journaling?

Journalling can sometimes look obscure and unfamiliar to those who desire to introduce it to their life. Sometimes there’s little or no direction on how to pursue journal writing.
My writing journal began at age 10 years ago and progressed at different stages into adulthood. Who would dream that a little journal could lead to other writing opportunities to write books, blogs, stories etc.
At the start, Journaling felt distant but became very enlightening as the years progressed. Like myself, may have become enraptured with the process; of understanding our thought processes, and seeing the progress and development.

# The purpose behind journaling

Journalling should be an opportunity to work through, press pass, and progress towards change and revelation. If there’s a need to mention a person, use something that will conceal their identity for the time being.

– LookafterU4me
One of the main goals of pursuing journalling is to understand the message behind our mayhem. If we slip into the pattern of just talking about others rather than progressing and working through the problems and resolution it can and may feel unproductive rather than therapeutic or healing. Don’t get me wrong there is a time for healing, and pouring out your emotions but when it leads one further into emotions – it may be one step too far.

# Self-therapy source, before therapy

I often find myself holding back my true thoughts or overregulating even in the context of relationships? Journalling can help process your emotions before conversations, or therapeutic sessions to get to the basis of what you’re thinking. I recently discovered a tip called the worry tree on a website called: Every Mind Matters – this helped me identify what I worried about and find solutions.
In many ways processing your thoughts beforehand can help direct or reveal what you are working through, or working on. Permitting you to stay on the subject at hand when talking to others, rather than having a disjointed way of bringing up different subjects.
Journalling has promoted so much more social awareness in everyday interactions, concerning what I choose to share with others.

Side note:

Although journalling or diary-keeping have effective coping strategies it doesn’t replace the need for social interactions and people. We are social beings in need of affection, approval and reassurance. It’s in our genetic makeup.

– LookafterU4me

Expecting the unexpected: Regulating Emotions series- Lookafteru4me 🥹☺️🫢

“Why should I expect something good to happen, when nothing ever does?”

Ummm we may have thought it, we may have felt it inside.But with what expectation is it said?

Agreement? Sympathy? Compassion? relatability? Counsel?

Feeling a bit discouraged

This statement may have never crossed one’s lips. But can be evident in one’s outlook on life.

“No one’s going to help me, so I’ll do it myself,” mentality hit me like a storm the other day. It can feel like the ultimate solution when it seems like no help at hand. However, the self-sufficient mentality can only carry us so far.

We may run out of energy; we surpass our resources. One of our greatest resources is time, but secondly to that precious gift is wholesome people to help us keep perspective and keep us on travel.

Friends can sometimes feel distance, family may not always seem to comprehend what you’re going through. There’s a chance that you may feel disconnected in this season like I did several weeks before.

Priorities arise, life changes for us and so do we. When you feel deflated and even hopeless. We can take steps to get us back on track.

What can we do?

Acknowledge your mindset. This may be how I feel now. I picked up a helpful tip called (the worry tree) on Every Mind Matters. This helped me to comprehend what I was thinking and how to find solutions.

Reach out: share your burden with someone who can hold it sacred. Even when we think or believe someone cannot bear the weight of our troubles they might be that person to give you that push to be free.

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No one really knows me?

Loneliness can surface even amid the busyness of life. Especially around specific periods in the year like Christmas or birthdays. Sometimes when we speak internally, and consulate ourselves for long periods of time. It can blur our perception of reality.

Possible next steps:

Consult a friend occasionally, and family member weekly. Does your reasoning sound rational or factual?

Realise Progression is normal

Your character, personality is progress. What you are at 20 may not be so at 30, or further along the line. It could be why some many couples have confessed, ‘she’s changed’ or ‘he’s not the same.’ No, we are not.

Life experiences unfold, employment might change, relationships may change or be made. Your principles can stay the same. But preferences, tastes, ideologies can change and even habits. Make way for the new you!

You are making a difference

Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, loneliness and shame can and may arise whether living solo or with family. But you can influence your own atmosphere you can carry your presence. A mindset that came to me the other day was, I’m not making a difference. It was an aftermath or struggle, and in the progression of change. I was making a difference but couldn’t see it. Someone had to reaffirm me, so I could understand things have changed.

One thing connects us, the hope and expectation of another day. If you hope for nothing at all, hope to live another day. If your heart as given way, hope for healing and change.

LookafterU4me copyright 2024

All rights reserved

A short & sweet reminder from me to you: Remember you are loved:)

Happy Belated Valentine’s day – for those who did celebrate & those who did not remember: you are loved.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001gn7t/the-boy-the-mole-the-fox-and-the-horse

A thought-provoking animation (that captured my heart)

It’s February❤️: time for good ‘mental health.’

The term ‘mental health’ can sometimes give off negative connotations whether intentionally or unintentionally. Mental health awareness is more prominent and more publicised in the limelight, social media and the news. Time reflects we’ve come a long way in many respects. But in some ways, we still have a long way to go.

Many of us know too well the uncharted silent progression towards mental health issues. Some of us have witnessed firsthand, mental deterioration at its worst in ourselves and those close to us, and never want to go there again.

Mental health affects many people unaware. Everyday loneliness, low self-esteem or hopelessness may be considered part of life or growing up or going through the motions. But a ‘get over it’ shouldn’t be proclaimed or projected. Early intervention is needed, whether that it’s the form of counselling, a support network or everyday knowledge on self-care.

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The word ‘mental’ relates to the mind. We may be accustomed to the term ‘mental maths’ or heard the phrase, ‘I’m making a mental note’ as something ‘done by or occurring in the mind‘.

Maintaining good mental health relates to looking after your mind, just as physical health is looking after your body. Of course, there’s more to it than that. It’s evident that the physical and mental are interlinked and overlap in many ways. Our physical bodies require nourishment, movement, natural light, and rest. The mind craves affection, stability and wellness. But each investment you make to your mind in many ways benefits your overall health.

Most of us (including myself) can benefit from mental health awareness – to promote good mental health and well-being.

We may not follow all the rules of good physical health to a tee. However, it wouldn’t be an assumption to say we at least uphold the minimal aspects of self-care. If we could give mental health just a fraction of the investment we would be three steps in the right direction.

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Look back at some of our posts for good mental health – and follow us on your journey to self-development, discovery & healing.

For those of you who have been here from the beginning, it may feel like we are walking through memory lane.