30 years + and still living ‘at home’; coping techniques for maintaining optimism & focus; untouched series

To some of you, this post may come as a surprise. But to others, a much-needed topic for the current situation they may find themselves in. You would be relieved and enlightened to know that there are still many young and mature adults living at home for multiple reasons, including:

# Too expensive to buy and rent

# Living expenses have increased e.g. gas, electricity, food etc

# Difficulty getting council housing – long waiting times (not in a priority category)

# Wages are not high enough (to rent privately)

However, some preferences present themselves when considering moving out or finding a place to live including:

# Unwilling to share accommodation with strangers (shared accommodation)

# Location/s of cheaper rent undesirable

# Priorities change – no longer able to buy

# Desiring to get a mortgage (save a deposit

This topic as come from from a personal and private place. Some have failed to see the full implications that many young and mature adults undergo whilst waiting for the opportune time to venture out on their own. I personally have sensed a feelings of frustration concerning finding housing, and acquiring sufficient funds to do so.

So, let’s start with the statistics:

Living with Parents

Out of curiosity, I searched how many young adults live with their parents in the UK.  According to the Office for National Statistics, there has been an increase of people aged 15-34 years old living with parents from 1996 to 2015 in the UK. They claimed that 800,000 more people aged 15-34 lived with their parents in 2015 compared to 1996.

To some, this rise may not seem significant, however, you may wish to take into consideration that society has gone through many changes since the 90s. Technological advancements have evolved, access to higher education has increased, and different job opportunities have arisen accordingly.

Therefore, it would seem more probable that the number of people aged 15 -34 living with parents would decrease rather than increase.  It would be enlightening to see how these statistics have changed in the present day.

The Living wage:

According to Statista, the living wage has increased steadily from 1999 till 2019, however, it would appear to most that the cost of living has increased, and the availability of affordable housing has decreased despite proclamations made by the government to provide it. 

Average rent prices – who pays the highest?

A quick Google search of average rent prices, made me stumble on a website called NimbleFins, which revealed that the average rent price in the UK in 2019 was £868 a month per household. They claimed that social renters – (those who rented through a local authority and housing association) paid just under half of the average rent price.

I found it interesting that the group paying the highest rent per household was those who were within the age bracket of 16 to 24 years old. This group was spending almost half of their gross income on rent. In comparison to those aged 25-34 who spent 28.2% of their gross income on rent. The determining factor of why there’s such a significant difference in the percentage those two groups spend is not evident. But both reflect that there is not only a need but a necessity for affordable housing.

Although 16 to 24 years olds were highest paying group NimbleFins claimed that it was the group that found their rent prices the least affordable. Whether one is willing or forced to pay almost half of their gross income and housing, and some others are willing to wait until an opportune time comes to acquire affordable rent prices, I don’t know. – But I know to well the feelings of frustration, stagnancy, and depletion that attempt to bombard the mind whilst actively waiting and seeking a place of your own.

But I hope this post will give you that cutting age, or know how to maintain optimism whilst living at home, actively waiting for that opportune time to move out not only start but re-establish a place of your own.

Statistics aside – what are some helpful suggestions to maintain optimism and focus whilst living at home?

Some suggestions to consider:

# Redecorate your space (within budget)

This can be something as giving your walls a new splash of paint – acquiring fresh & uplifted duvet covers – obtaining some blinds. It doesn’t have to be expensive. But consider what would make your living space (room) more comfortable – more desirable, and a place you look forward to retreating – (especially on work days). The idea of redecorating may seem daunting at first but it’s well worth it when it’s done. Make small changes – and take it from there.

# Organise your space

This seems obvious, but sometimes we can get so accustomed to our room, that we can’t see beyond it. Organising your living space is a skill you can transfer once you have your own place. If you neglect organising what you have now, don’t necessarily expect to change this habit once you are living by yourself – or with a counterpart. I’ve learnt if you give everything a place it does wonders for your mental capability, and makes things more manageable.

# Vision board

Having a vision gives you a sense of direction and purpose for your life. Some may ask, ‘But what if I don’t achieve all that I set out to do?’ my short answer would be, ‘You can transfer your goals and dreams for the next year and so on until you have achieved them.’ – Don’t underestimate the power of vision.

# Save now (no matter how small)

I’ve always had the mentality that if I can’t save a sufficient amount then I can’t save. But this mindset is a deterrent when it comes to saving. No matter how small the amount it can make a difference to the smoothness of your move – when you venture out on your own.

It is the difference between buying a washing machine or having to take a weekly trip to the laundrette. Or buy a suitable wardrobe – or making-do with a rack of clothes exposed to the natural elements. It is the difference between living pay check to paycheck – or having some money saved for a rainy day. Start small, and these small amounts will reflect in a big way in your savings later on.

# Budget now (count the cost)

There’s a saying, that says, count the cost – especially before building a house; unless you start building and cannot complete it. Write down your income, and your fixed outgoings, e.g. expected rent cost e.g. phone bill, car tax. Then write your essentials & necessities, gas & electricity, food & groceries, and toiletries. Are your outgoings greater than your income? Do you need to cut back on expenses to have sufficient amounts to make it on your own? Or do you have sufficient funds to find your independence and venture out on your own?

#Is travelling a possibility? (staycation)

This suggestion is optional, but recommended. A staycation can & may get you out of the mind frame or stagnancy – feeling as though you are making no progress. Especially if you are bidding each week for housing, or you are working constantly – and yet still unable to afford private rent prices. When you find your own home – you won’t forget your budget-friendly holidays.

#Get outdoors

This topic has been covered previously, but it is very relevant. Staying indoors, or in the same confined space can make you feel grouchy and depleted – a change of scenery – whether that’s a brisk walk to the coffee or a stroll through a park with a close friend may and can shift a mindset of sameness, and has been suggested to encourage good mental health.

#Focus on short-term goals

Finding a place of your own, or planning to move out can consume our time and energy. Yet remembering that you have other goals and desires that you would like to fulfil, can keep things in perspective. E.g., eating more wholesome foods, introducing exercise into your routine – trying out a new restaurant – these are things that we have the means to change now step-by-step. Start here.

#Take up cooking

Yes, you heard that right. Cooking. You don’t need to be an expert, but knowing how to boil rice, without it getting soggy, or putting together a pasta dish in under 30 minutes can be helpful when you’re living by yourself. I found it handy to have an air fryer to hand, because you prepare your meat or fish, season your food, boil some potatoes, spray some oil, then leave it to do the work.

#Keep on top of the laundry

For those who have had no difficulty with laundry. This tip may come as a surprise. But for the longest time ever I couldn’t keep on top of laundry 🧺 no matter how hard I tried. It used to frustrate me because my basket would be filled with an overwhelming amount of clothing and I didn’t have the means to tackle it head-on.

The more clothes you have, the more laundry you are subject to. 

Having a system in place can help you maintain your own place – as and when it comes. When you don’t know where to start. – Start small. Separating dark and white clothes seems obvious, but even go a set further and separate clothes into sections to be washed beforehand. e.g., towels (in one bag) duvet & pillow case (one bag) dark work clothes (one bag) and so on. Another handy tip I’ve introduced lately is: to pack away your winter clothes when summer comes around, so you have less to deal with. 

#Be active in your search for housing

Mortgage

This post appears more directed at renting; however, your objective may be to acquire a mortgage. Living with your parents may be a way of saving for a deposit – and getting the financial means to acquire a deposit for a mortgage. Researching all things mortgage-related information will come in handy. What is the minimum amount of a deposit, how much will the bank lend me? What other fees do I need to consider?

Note: Sometimes banks offer information & resources (especially if you saved a fairly good amount in the bank) 

Rent

If you are looking to rent privately, research possible areas and anticipated rent prices. If you are bidding for council housing. Look at the average rent prices, and be consistent with bidding. The process can be daunting – so don’t give up. Find out what your borough’s priority categories are. This can help you see things in perspective and whether you should consider another route.  

Rent Affordability Calculator UK | NimbleFins – this is a helpful website – to determine the affordability of rent according to your wages.

# Strengthen your community – (you need people) 

Once you’ve got your place, avoid the mindset of (I need to fend for myself). Other people are an important asset in our lives. Build upon relationships now – strengthen your ties with your family. See them as part of your support network. When venturing out on your own, you may encounter difficult times or moments of loneliness. When you’re out on your own you don’t what to only survive but thrive.

One last note:

This waiting process is not forever – when you least expect it, things will change for the better. Consider implementing these suggestions one by one -and test and prove them. And keep at it – if you are already practising these tips in your life. –

You are ready for change, but for now, change what you already can. 

– Lookafteru4me

References:

Office for National Statistics. (2015). Families and households in the UK: 2015. [Online]. Office for National Statistics. Last Updated: 5 November 2015. Available at: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/families/bulletins/fami [Accessed 1 June 2023].

Martin Armstrong. (2019). A short history of the UK’s minimum wage. [Online]. statista. Last Updated: Apr 2, 2019. Available at: https://www.statista.com/chart/17575/uk-minimum-wage-history/ [Accessed 26 June 2023].

ERIN YURDAY, CO-FOUNDER. (2020). Average Rent in the UK 2021. [Online]. nimblefins. Last Updated: UPDATED DEC 22,2020. Available at: https://www.nimblefins.co.uk/business-insurance/landlord-insurance-uk/average-rent-uk [Accessed 26 June 2023].