Relief
This topic comes from a hard place. For those who have not gone through a phase or even a lifetime of what presents itself as anxiety or social anxiety (sa). This post may seem foreign but beneficial for insight and clarity on the subject. But for those who have been there: amid the racing hearts and moments of panic and despair and the constant pursuit of relief, this post is for you. How often it seems in the heat of the moment of fear that your battle is a matter of life and survival, this will resonate with you on so many levels. Let’s dive straight in:
Reassurance & relatablity
I was originally going to write this from a statistical perspective but I decided to write this from a personal & reflective perspective from someone who has been there and overcome in many areas.
The intention of this post is not to provide you with the basis to self-diagnosis. Rather give you a glimpse inside the mind of someone who has manifested symptoms of fear, worry, and apprehension in social settings and social situations (even within family settings.) When it comes to symptoms of anxiety there is sometimes a nature to see ourselves as victims – but we can turn what could be considered chaos and confusion into fuel to overcome & step into new territories.
Just knowing that there are others out there who have gone through what you are going through, and been where you’ve been may in some way give you that hope and the reassurance to keep you pressing on despite any opposition you are facing right now.
The idea that your situation is unrelatable or uncommon could not be further from the truth. Despite the silence amongst those who suffer with the likeness of anxiety and (sa). You are not the only one going through your circumstance (someone could be sitting on the train or bus, and undergoing the same thing you are going through.)
‘Regular’ social anxiety is known to all of us as an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness. Many people have particular worries about social situations like public speaking or talking to authority figures or experience more general feelings of shyness or a lack of confidence.
– Social Anxiety UK
Outcry for help
I once did a test for anxiety forwarded by my GP when I was considering CBT. However, my score was not considered high enough to be taken into consideration for this option of treatment. However, it made me question whether what I was experiencing was everyday apprehension and worry and whether there were other means of coping.
Coping mechanisms
Many of us have developed coping strategies to keep symptoms at bay. We may leave the room unexpectedly, or frequently go to the toilet. Some have adopted healthy distractions such as listening to music or reading a book whilst travelling. Escaping the present reality in our minds.
1# Control
From my understanding, a feature that seems to be evident in anxious social settings or situations is our need for control. If we have a sense of control we can in effect control or determine the outcome of the situation we find ourselves in. However, it’s when we cannot control or manage the situation at hand, symptoms may become most prominent. For example, the unknown duration of a work meeting, or when we are unexpectedly put on a short training course without us knowing ahead of time.
Even at times natural bodily functions such as going to the toilet or passing gas may deem overwhelming and unusually embarrassing because of the perception we have of ourselves, and how we believe we are deemed by others – (even though all humans share this natural course of emitted waste and gas universally).
When researching the word control it seemed to connote a sense of influence or power to direct or change someone’s behaviour, however, I believe that in some contexts it can also apply to ourselves and how we regulate our emotions and behaviour to suit the circumstances around us – and make ourselves more at ease.
Many of us (including myself) may find it hard to give up that control of the occurrences around us, we cannot always foresee whether we will encounter an enraged driver whilst driving; whether we undergo a lengthy bus ride on the way home, or who we sit next to.
Life in a way is unpredictable. It is that unpredictability that can cause concern for those affected by fear-like symptoms. For example, we cannot always pre-plan whether an unexpected meeting will occur at work. But we can regulate our response to it.
Sometimes you may feel that you conquer this perceived giant of fear and then it shows up again when you least expect it.
– Lookafteru4me
1# Knowledge & information
In many ways, social anxiety (sa) presents itself as a giant or an outside source that preys or falls upon us at any given moment. But in reality, it manifests itself as an internal patterned process of thoughts that bombards the mind and soul.
Knowing information ahead of time concerning a future scenario can ease feelings of apprehension and nervousness. Internal questions and thoughts may arise, such as, How things will pan out, who will be at an event or place you’re going, or whether you will sit next to someone you’re comfortable with or familiar with.
Common self-reflecting questions such as, “Will I know anyone?” (at your friend’s get-together) or, “Will I know what to say?” can and may be related to your personality traits rather than social anxiety itself. In many ways, some of the thoughts that go through our minds are very common, but it’s not knowing what will happen in a particular situation that can set a churning stomach, or provoke an anxious heart in many instances.
What can we do to counteract anxiety?
Tip 1 #Present yourself with opportunities before opportunities present themselves (in small qualities)
I’ve often heard it said: face your fears. However, facing your extreme fears head-on may bring all the feelings of fear to the surface too quickly. If you know you are fairly confident in a particular area, work on that area first, then when you build up your confidence and strength in this area, then branch out into other areas that you hope to conquer or overcome.
If you get very nervous or anxious in social settings with large amounts of people. Consider meeting up with one trusted friend or family member, and practise regulating your worries, fears and concerns within that situation. When you feel ready to introduce another mutual friend into your social situation go ahead.
Tip 2 # Recondition your mind – surround yourself with affirmation
From my own experience, anxiety-like symptoms may keep us on our minds. And in some cases, those thoughts may not be necessarily edifying or confidence-building. When we affirm ourselves on a consistent basis, we acknowledge the power of words, especially our own words. If others disapprove of us intentionally or unintentionally, affirm yourself.
Tip 3 # Record your small victories and read them back.
The mind is a funny way of recording all the times we have fallen short, however what about the times we have been victorious. Attended a social event and was well received. Or performed at an intimate open mic and felt on top of the world.
You may not realise it, but you are one step in the right direction even by simply taking a moment to read this post. Keep on pressing on, you’re destined for greatness. My main objective has been achieved if you have come to the realisation – you are not alone, and this is more common than you think.
Other resources:
Take the personality test:
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
Read our previous post on nervousness:
Other sources:
References:
Social Anxiety UK. (.). What is Social Anxiety?.(quote) [Online]. Socialanxiety.org.uk. Last Updated: .. Available at: https://social-anxiety.org.uk/ [Accessed 14 April 2023]. –
LookafterU4me 
Thank you guys for reading and liking:)
Have an amazing day!!!
LikeLike