The other day I felt an overwhelming feeling of loneliness – or what I perceived as loneliness. My initial reaction was to scroll through my WhatsApp, seeking someone who I can reach out to. For some of you, your initial reaction may be to login to your Instagram or Facebook and start scrolling. – I wrote a poem many years back concerning social media,
I quote: ‘so many friends at hand, but rarely someone to talk to’. – R.R.S
I have a sense that many of us have many acquaintances, family members and to some degree friends that we can text, or call (or in my own words, reach out to.) However, we haven’t been taught how to.
Let me give you an example, I felt lonely to the point that it brought a rush of tears to my eyes and a weight to my heart. But when I try to reach out to others my conversations went something like this, ‘Hi [insert name] How are you?’ Or, ‘how have you been?’ And in my heart, my spirit was crying, what you meant to say was this, ‘Hey there, [insert name] I really need someone to talk to, I’m not feeling myself.’ In that given moment, I cried out to myself, ‘I have no one’ despite being in a romantic relationship, despite being surrounded by my immediate family and despite having friends who I could possibly contact.
“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald
Before lockdown, I had the option of walking to the local coffee shop, or bakery – and ordering a chai latte, or blueberry pancakes sitting down and unwinding from the stresses of life. [Those small interactions with the server, or the people that I met on the way, or the liberty to sit amongst other people seemed insignificant then, but it worth its weight in gold now.] Now, I make my chai latte or cook pancakes in the confinements of my home.
I used to have the option of meeting my friends during my half term breaks to meet my need for human interaction. But now I have to meet over Zoom. Don’t get me wrong Zoom has been a life saver. However, it is very easy to hide emotions and feelings via a webcam. And via Zoom there’s no physical hugs or physical interaction. So, the question I proposed to myself was, “Is what I’m feeling right now, ‘loneliness’ or ‘isolation’?”
Things I’ve learnt over the past week:
Thoughts are not always trustworthy
Feelings of loneliness are sometimes so tangible that when we are overwhelmed by them we may not grasp how we can possibly break free [in that time it feels like those feelings will last forever.] However, when I say, ‘thoughts are not always trustworthy’, I’m referring to how we feel about the whole situation in context, which may not always have complete truth in it. For example, the thought that came to mind when I was going through this period was, ‘I have no one.’ And a undercurrent feeling or ‘no one’s there for me.’ Yet, I had my family downstairs who I could reach out to. I have a handful of close friends that I could connect with over the phone. However, I didn’t know how to, I have always seen myself has the one people share their problems or concerns with, but I have not yet learnt to trust others with my deepest thoughts.
Keeping quiet isolates, you, and can make you feel more lonely
“We don’t heal in isolation, but in community.”
― S. Kelley Harrell, Gift of the Dreamtime – Reader’s Companion
To answer the question in my title. I personally feel as though isolation and loneliness work alongside each other, each one feeding the other and vice versa I eventually opened up to my significant other, who assured me that he is always there for me, and promised to call me every hour the following day [in his working hours] even though that promise didn’t materialise because there’s no way he can have business meetings and work on a full-time project and have me at the end of the phone every hour. But just giving me that reassurance that he was there for me helped me, knowing that I have someone I can talk to about these feelings.
Write out your thoughts
Sometimes we don’t know why we feel a certain way. And even when we choose to open up to others, our words can get lost in translation. Therefore, I think journaling is a useful tool in terms of opening up, I have neglected this tool most recently. However, if you journal you get to sieve through what you would like to share with others, and what you just needed to get of your chest.
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.
– A proverb
Other things that others have tried are:
Music:
Learning an instrument, or listening to the music you love
“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.”
― Maya Angelou
Books:
Reading books, or listening to books can open a world of new possibilities
“When the others were picked up and walked home by friends or fathers or best friend’s sisters,
― Charlotte Eriksson
I was the kid in a grey hoodie, walking with the poets, the singers, the thinkers, and I was not alone.”
Thank you for talking a moment out of your day to read this post.
Have a great day xx
LookafterU4me 