What on earth am I here for? Purpose and identity: reflective piece – Lookafteru4me

Ever heard the phrase

What on earth am I here for?

Someone once asked me this question, and to be totally honest it caught me off guard. I didn’t know how to respond, and I’ve never really asked myself this question and awaited my response. As sad as this sounds, I’ve live most of my life merely existing; living for the weekend and looking forward to the next holiday. After work, I mostly preoccupy by mind with music, Netflix, the radio, TV, books, and anything else entertaining. To be frank, these things (are not bad in themselves) and help me let off steam and recharge for the next day.

But if I really think about it, unaware I don’t pause to think – unless to go to sleep – (just so I’m not left alone with my thoughts): unconsciously avoiding the heart’s core questions: What I’m I living for? And why was I put on this earth. Whether I decide to answer these questions for myself today or in ten years time, these questions will still come knocking at my door (especially in hard times.)

When most people think of having a sense of purpose, most often it’s associated with a career path, or a great cause. If you asked me: (what do you want to be?) a couple of years ago I could have told you my 3 to 5 year plan, my career aspirations and what I want to do with my life in terms of a career. Now despite being well for some time, I’m not sure what I want to be.

I’m baffled how I can be sure of something in one instance and not in the next. That goes to show how fickle life can be, and how the way we view it can change due to life and its circumstances. I’ve learnt that a sense of purpose is not necessary found in an everyday job alone, because not everyone does a job they enjoy. – Or their doing a job that differs to the career path they wish to pursue.  

Society usually waits until something tragic and unprecedented occurs before seeking a sense of purpose, or a sense of meaning. ( this shouldn’t be the case.) I took a resilience test a couple of weeks ago and ‘a sense of purpose’ was one of the elements I needed to work on. But I know from experience that purpose is not something you can pluck out of thin air. It takes time. It’s determined by the little decisions you make on a daily basis. For example I desired to get back into work after my experience with mental health difficulties, yet I wasn’t ready mentally, so my parents suggested volunteering in my spare time. This worked in my favour, since it prevented long gaps in my CV – therefore I didn’t have to justify or explain why I wasn’t working for so long after being unwell. Note: (I had a resting period before seeking a voluntary position.) Don’t rush into anything especially if you don’t feel ready.

I’m not claiming to be a philosopher or critical thinker. My main goal is just to make you think, just like I thought today: What on earth am I here for? But this question seemed more prominent when I was unwell and in the recovery period thereafter. My sense of purpose seemed to go out the window when I wasn’t my usual self. What I thought I knew about myself (for certain), I no longer knew. What I thought I wanted, I no longer wanted. It took be several years to get back to myself; simple things such as self care, motivation and everyday encounters were a struggle. It’s almost as if I had to start over. It’s been many years since then.
Yet I know for certain that purpose has been one of the missing links in my life; I’ve been in what we will call ‘survival mode’ for some time – It’s time to start living!

In conclusion, I’ve learnt that purpose means different things, for different people. If you’ve reached a crossroad, or no longer know your calling, your career path, and your sense of purpose (you are not alone). I’m still on the quest to find my true purpose. But I’m using this year to get to know myself, my core values and what matters to me, that’s two steps in the right direction.

Take some of these tests, (not necessary in cohesion) – get to know yourself, weaknesses and strengths, your core values. This can help steer you on a path to get to know yourself and what you value.

Personality Test: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
What’s your true passion: https://www.psychologies.co.uk/test-whats-your-true-passion

Resilience Test: https://www.bwcharity.org.uk/resilience-check